Clouded Vision
by Kaneko Aikawa
Summary: Pressured by everyone around him, Haru has a massive burden on his shoulders. His thoughts and feelings during episode 9 of Free Eternal Summer.


**So this is my first Free! fanfic. I was watching episode 9 of Eternal Summer with my boyfriend, who is also a pretty big fan of this anime, and this poetry-style story came to mind. I must give you a head's up that this is from the dubbed version of the anime (wanted it to be more challenging in regards to the quotes).**

 **Shout-outs:**

I'd like to thank ShiningMoonSlayer for being my beta and also coming up with the name. He may not watch Free but he did go by what I had told him, and I wouldn't have gotten this off the ground without you.

 **Disclaimer:**

I do not own Free in any way, shape or form. Pony Canyon, Funimation and Kouji Ouji (yeah I didn't spell his name right...) own the rights

 **With that said, enjoy and let me know what you think!**

* * *

 **Clouded Vision**

 _I swim free..._

These are the words I say.

 _I swim free..._

Why can't anyone understand?

"What do you want to do after graduation?" Rin asks.

 _I want to be free..._

Growing up can wait. I just want to be me.

"Every member of the faculty is as thrilled as can be. Do your school proud,"  
the words of my principal echo in my mind.

Why? ...Is it because I'm an ace swimmer; a prodigy? Or just some trophy they can put on their wall?

"Can't let that talent go to waste," a scout urges,  
"You'll have lots of eyes on you during tomorrow's race."

Their words are like vultures, above my head, patiently waiting to strike  
Or until my corpse calls from the desert sand.

 _Leave me alone..._

I have a dream, these lights pierce my vision like a thousand suns.

 _It's so bright..._

I sit in a cafe, sipping coffee with Makoto,  
His emerald eyes pierce me like Kryptonite spears.  
Some Superman I am.

"The moment is finally here," he chirps.

"What are you talking about?" I ask.

He suddenly turns into Nagisa,  
His cheerful eyes sparkling like the sun's rays that peek through the window next to us.  
"This is what we trained for! The best part is that there's no telling how many scouts are out there watching!" He enthuses.

I nonchalantly drink my coffee.  
"Good for them," I say without a care in my voice.

Nagisa is replaced by Rei.  
"Theoretically speaking, given the way you made it to your district, there's little to no possibility that you would slip out of their radar."  
There goes the so-called mathematician.

We're suddenly in the locker room.  
My coffee has turned into a pair of goggles and I'm in my swimsuit.  
I'm freaking out. This shouldn't be so bad! We've been through this many times!

Nitori shows up behind me. Where did he come from?  
"We're prepared to be wowed by you, Nanase! Good luck!"

I start to feel panic. Get me out of here!

As I back away, I bump into Sousuke.  
"Get into the damn pool," he snarls.

 _NO!_

I turn and run.

 _All I want is a moment's peace! Leave me alone!_

I run past Amakata-sensei.  
"There's an old saying: run all you want.  
Your problems will always find you in the end," she lectures.

I keep running, ignoring her words.  
But then I hit a roadblock.

 _No! I'm trapped!_

"Haruka!"

I look over and see Gou's smiling face.

 _What does she want?_

"My brother's really looking forward to this match!"

 _Of course he is._

Suddenly the lights blind me once again.

 _Stop this!_

Rin stands in the light, ready and prepared to swim.  
"What are you waiting for? It's now or never!" He coaxes.

Hearing his words, I follow him to the pool.  
We will swim together again – Iwatobi vs. Samezuka.  
Nothing will change.

But Rin disappears and I am the only one in the arena.  
Mannequins to the right of me,  
Mannequins to the left.  
Mannequins in the stands.  
Am I the only thing that's real?

Suddenly they all disappear and I turn around.  
Those mannequins are on my back!  
"That's it, kid! That's what we're here!  
Now show us your freestyle!"

I lose my balance and fall.  
It seems that I'm falling for nearly an eternity.

That's when I wake up in a horrific state.

The day of the tournament has arrived.  
Regionals – the spotlight is on us.  
We are shining stars.  
It is our moment to shine.  
The countdown to my moment begins.  
Scouts gather all over.  
Those feelings have returned.  
It is clear that I'm worried.  
"Are you okay, Haru?" Makoto asks.

 _Don't show him!_

I say I'm fine, my mask is clear.  
They must never know.  
This is my burden, not theirs.

Makoto goes first – 100 meter backstroke.  
He doesn't make it to the finals. He tried.

"See you after the race," Rin says to me.  
He must never know either.  
Why can't anyone leave me be?

 _Men's 100m Freestyle – 5_ _th_ _Heat_

Rin finishes first; good for him.  
The clock ticks downward.

 _Men's 100m Freestyle – 6_ _th_ _Heat_

My time is now.  
Everyone's watching.  
I prepare to dive, goggles firmly on my face.  
The water sparkles like a jewel from heaven.  
It calls to me.  
My escape, my salvation.  
This is what I strive – no...live for.  
But then I relive the dream,  
I'm afraid once more.

The sound of the gun goes off as I dive

 _Move, fight, move, fight_

 _1, 2, 3 – breathe  
1, 2, 3 – breathe_

My arms move as my legs kick.  
Everyone cheers. Gotta keep going.

Suddenly, the water feels thick.  
What is happening?  
Why can't I move?

 _NO!_

My mind screams.

 _NO!_

It wraps around my arms and head.

 _I trusted you! Why?!_

Feeling the weight pull me down  
Like the visceral chains of fear and doubt.  
It's over. I have no fight left.  
My day is done.

Everyone is silent as I stand in the middle of the pool.

 _It's over..._

My vision clouds into the dark abyss.

 _I'm no longer free..._


End file.
